Life’s Greatest Mysteries: The Cure for Insomnia

There’s a lot of things in life that I don’t understand, but climbing to the very peak of that list is how people can fall asleep, full out snoring, within sheer seconds of their head hitting the pillow. If you are one of these people, start explaining.

I’ve been an insomniac for quite some time now. These days, I’ve been hit particularly hard. I lie down in bed and my brain is wired. I’m up at odd hours of the night. Then I have to arise from my sorry excuse for a slumber at some godforsaken hour in the morning.

Every day, the question of prime importance has been whether I should engage in that second cup of delicious coffee or desist. Most days I surprise myself with the willpower to begrudgingly let it go. Other days, I crumble without shame.

Yesterday, someone suggested that I buy a bottle of melatonin and take some before bed to regulate my sleeping schedule. It wasn’t the first time this was suggested to me, but the idea of taking a sleep-inducing chemical to put an end to my misery at night has always given me the heeby-jeebies. What if that stuff is so damn good that I can’t get off it?

Not only that, I had been re-reading one of my favourite books, Cocaine: An Unauthorized Biography, and was at the part where the author Streatfeild describes how cocaine products, when first introduced into Western society, were sold in pharmacies and praised as the cure-alls to any ailment one may be presenting with. Toothache? Stomachache? Stuffy nose? Try cocaine. Next thing you knew, cocaine addicts were sprouting up everywhere.

Well, after passing out on the bus and missing my stop — which meant that I ended up taking a tour of the city for almost two hours — my fears of turning into a melatonin junkie were superseded by the realization that things were getting way out of hand. I needed to get my act together. Pronto.

So today I picked up a bottle of liquid melatonin and after having read another couple chapters of Cocaine, warily examined the bottle and decided, at 8:45 pm, that it was time to take the plunge. Ten minutes after having a few sips of my green tea-melatonin concoction, I started feeling funny.

Ah, it’s all psychological, I scoffed.

But no, it was really taking over my body. For fear that my face might end up implanting itself into the table in front of me, I retreated safely to my bedroom where I am now groggily writing these last two paragraphs. So here I am, at 9:15, ready to fade away into La La Land. Good…zzzzzzzzz…

– Cafe <3