Oookay. Here we go now.
So this is actually not the recording that I’ve been talking about doing for the past little while. I have been working on a cover of “Safe & Sound” by Taylor Swift, but it has been an extremely frustrating process, mostly with technical difficulties. Because of that, I really felt like I needed to take a step back from it right now, but I hated the idea of not posting anything up as I had said I would!
I’ve mentioned before that one of my fears is singing in public, particularly when I’m singing by myself. I have always gotten major stage fright, forgotten the words to whatever song I’m singing, shaken like a leaf and, basically, just wanted to disappear into a hole while on stage. Funny thing was when I was recording the other song, I felt all of those same things even though I wasn’t technically singing in front of anybody. So I decided that I would do another song for now with the guitar. Maybe the guitar acts like a shield or something, but it makes me considerably less nervous.
So this song is called “Lithium” by Evanescence. The lead singer, Amy Lee, who wrote this song, didn’t literally mean that she couldn’t let go of the drug lithium. She was writing about being in a dark place for a very long time. It had kind of become almost like her comfort zone, a place that enabled her to write her music which is very dark, emotional and powerful. In a strange way, she almost didn’t want to let herself be happy. But she did realize eventually that she did need to make a change, and at the end of the song she decides: “I’m gonna let it go.”
In some ways, I can relate to this song because for many years I was in that state of mind where so many things had gone wrong for me, and anything that was once good seemed to just hurt me in the end. So it was almost easier to never expect anything good to last. I think a lot of people have probably been through that too, even if they haven’t been in the darkest of places. We just don’t want to be let down again, don’t want to experience the pain and disappointment. It’s almost like a defense mechanism — expect the worst and when it comes, at least it won’t be such a shock.
But — and this kind of relates to my last post about letting go of all the energy drainers in your life and surrounding yourself with positive people — I finally did decide to try letting it go. And at first, like always, I was extremely skeptical. But once I felt what true happiness was like, it was just so amazing that I wanted my life to be filled with that.
It sounds very logical when you write it out and read back on it, but it’s easier said than done. And I know that in this day and age, there are so many people who are unhappy and afraid to leave that place where they can feel a false sense of safety in not having to expect that happiness can come their way and actually stick around. But believe me, it is worth taking that leap of faith.
So here’s the song. I’m pretty nervous about it but I see this as the first step to getting over one of my fears. And since I’ve been in a particularly brave mood as of late, I figured I may as well capitalize on it :)
The guitar part came out kind of funny, I think it was because of where the mic was positioned. After it goes through YouTube processing, the whole thing sounds better if you listen with earphones. I’ll get the hang of this recording stuff in time.
Anyways, thanks for listening and … please be gentle.
– Cafe :)
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Lithium, don’t wanna lock me up inside / Lithium, don’t wanna forget how it feels without / Lithium, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow / Oh, but God I wanna let it go
Come to bed, don’t make me sleep alone / Couldn’t hide the emptiness, you let it show / Never wanted it to be so cold / Just didn’t drink enough to say you love me / I can’t hold on to me / Wonder what’s wrong with me?
Lithium, don’t wanna lock me up inside / Lithium, don’t wanna forget how it feels without / Lithium, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow
Don’t wanna let it lay me down this time / Drown my will to fly / Here in the darkness I know myself / Can’t break free until I let it go, let me go
Darling, I forgive you after all / Anything is better than to be alone / And in the end I guess I had to fall / Always find my place among the ashes / I can’t hold on to me / Wonder what’s wrong with me?
Lithium, don’t wanna lock me up inside / Lithium, don’t wanna forget how it feels without / Lithium, stay in love with you / I’m gonna let it go