Going Dark on Facebook

A few days ago I looked down at my Blackberry and threw my hands up in the air. I had just about had enough! Flinging my phone to the ground, I declared: “Facebook must die!!!”

Okay, fine, so it was slightly less dramatic than that. What really happened was that over the past few weeks, I had been frequenting my personal Facebook account less and less. I just didn’t have anything much to say. I found myself browsing my newsfeed purely out of thoughtless habit.

Sometimes I did come up with things to share with the world: “The TTC should burn to the ground.” “It is freezing like a biznatch out here.” “Watching Alias makes me want to drink red wine.”

But after instinctively reaching for my Crackberry and hitting the Facebook app to spread these profound thoughts far and wide, I paused and asked myself: “Does anyone really care?”

Yesterday, I had been chatting with my cousin about potentially disabling my Facebook account for an indefinite period of time. An hour later, I came across a Freshly Pressed post, Are you Being Squeezed by Social Media?, that asked the readers what justified us staying on Facebook and what would it take for us to leave?

Then today, I was scrolling through my WordPress Reader and came across Mooselicker’s post. It really didn’t matter what it was about (I don’t mean it like that, Tim) — all I saw were the words “Soul Sellers” and “Facebook” together and my mouth dropped open. My God, it was a sign.

What did justify me staying on Facebook? What the heck did I do on there anyway? I decided to take a browse around my page to determine this answer.

I found that I used Facebook to broadcast urgent requests:

I used Facebook to update my friends on what had become of me …

… and about my vacations and crazy new adventures.

My Facebook page was the home of many a football game commentary, where friends would take the opportunity to diplomatically discuss their thoughts on my favourite team.

But Facebook was also where friends would send me links to interesting videos and news articles:

And where I could easily connect with family who lived in different countries:

So at the end of my search, I was nowhere closer to figuring out the answers to my burning questions:

  • Would shutting down my account actually lead to more meaningful communication between my friends and I?
  • Or would I simply lose connections with people I did care about, but who choose to mainly communicate through FB?
  • Are emailing and texting actually more meaningful ways of communicating? Do we give FB a lot more flack than it deserves?
  • Would I be more productive with the time I was using to mindlessly browse my newsfeed? Or would I at the very least feel less like a FB automaton?


I’m curious to find out. But I’m not completely convinced just yet. Thoughts, people?

– Cafe <3

Photo Credit: Facebook stats


73 thoughts on “Going Dark on Facebook

  1. I really really like this post, because it’s exactly what’s coming into my mind these days, mindlessly browse my newsfeed everyday, don’t bother posting something on FB and then… wait for “likes” and comments. I’m thinking about deactivating my account, that means I’m missing out my friends’ connections, and updates. My boyfriend doesn’t use FB or social media, and he has no problem with that. Yet I doubt I can live without FB though :) I can’t figure out what should I do >!<

    • lol I COMPLETELY understand! You know what though, I almost never log into my personal FB account anymore — once a month at the most. (I have another FB acct that’s more for work/public/professional stuff). And sure, I do miss out on getting certain updates from friends and family right away, but eventually I find out about the really important stuff (like a new baby in the family). And my really close friends and I stay updated through other means. The world (your world) definitely keeps on turning! So maybe don’t deactivate it, but just get it off your phone and only log-in every so often to see if you have new messages or if you do want to do a little newsfeed browsing (just a little ;))

  2. I always have thoughts of getting rid of facebook or at least deleting most people and only keeping the ones that I would lose total contact with. Everytime I think about doing this I realize the thing that stops me is that I have this pathetic fear that someday somehow I’ll miss out on something that will change my life. I know it’s just a case of not being able to let go cause facebook hasn’t done crap for me yet. Then again I’m not super popular.

    • Heya, thanks for sharing your thoughts :)

      I don’t think that’s a pathetic fear. You know, I’m sure there’s thousands of people who are on Facebook who feel the exact same way about shutting down their account or even cutting out a chunk of their “Friends” list. Maybe someone will post some life-changing news you wouldn’t have heard about otherwise. Maybe someone will contact you about some great opportunity. Maybe FB will be a first step for you to get closer to a special someone. These things can happen so it’s not totally far-fetched or anything :)

      I think the question is maybe whether FB is somehow bringing any negativity to your life. For me, it felt like I was mindlessly addicted to reading meaningless newsfeed. It got to the point where it really bothered me and I thought I could be doing better things with my time. But I also know there’s positives it brings me. So I’ve just restructured things in a way where I won’t mindlessly browse (by taking the app off my phone), and that’s worked for me.

      So I suppose it’s possible to get rid of the negative aspect and keep the positive but not sacrifice the whole thing altogether :)

      • Ya you’re right. I just remembered the thing I don’t like about facebook. Logging on and reading mindless posts and creeping on peoples pages cause I’m bored or nosy. It sort of makes me feel kind of fake to have people on my friends list when I’ll never speak to them. I guess like you pointed out, just don’t log on so much.

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  4. I think the first thing to do is get it off your phone.
    One day in the summer I took the kids to a really nice park in the early evening. I was checking my fb on my blackberry and the kids were calling to me “daddy daddy look at us (they were swinging each other around) and I was too busy looking at fb to watch them. It occurred to me there and then that I had to take it off my phone.
    I have since deactivated it altogether! No real loss to be honest!

    • Yes, I did take it off my phone recently, Pete! And it’s already made a big difference. I also took a lot of ppl off my newsfeed, but I really haven’t even bothered to look through it as of late. I definitely feel better not seeing that app on my phone!

      I’d say that your motivation for taking it off yours was a good one! It’s great that you realized right away how FB was detracting from the more important things in life :)

    • Well, at least you have the willpower to not log in, just to go on to communicate with your family. It felt like to me that I was, without even thinking, like a robot, logging on to FB to mindlessly browse through my newsfeed. And even when I got to the point where I knew I was doing that, I still ended up doing it! But since writing this post, I’ve actually been WAY more aware of this and I’d say I’ve got it much more under control :)

  5. I have mixed feelings about Facebook. It’s a way to reach out not only to my friends and family, but also to my blog readers through a page and groups… but then facebook is just a waste of time. So many distractions… so many gossips… just useless… and preventing many from doing homework or other priorities… and it’s true that people don’t really care about what we are doing or might feel at that moment (facebook status)… I’ve been considering about closing my account too, but again, I don’t want to lose contact…

    • Maybe there’s a way that we can work out a compromise with ourselves. Keep FB for its positives and do what we can to limit the negatives. Not checking my newsfeed is the biggest thing for me. If I don’t do that, I can avoid a ton of garbage. I think taking it off my phone would help minimize my FB usage as well. And unsubscribing or blocking certain people’s newfeeds would be good too!

  6. I maintain the FB page so old friends can find me if they’re looking for me, but I don’t spend any time there, and I don’t post there. Avoiding FB and places like it is one way I keep some level of sanity and stillness in my life!

    • I know some friends like that too on FB. It seems like from all of my FB friends, there’s a small cluster of ppl who do the constant updating and whatnot. The others never go on or they will sometimes silently stalk to get the update on ppl :)

  7. Good post!! I’ve honestly contemplated this idea as well. I closed my Facebook account for a week and I did have some friends panicking, wondering if I had deleted them or something. But besides that, I thought it was really freeing and refreshing to not have this leash on me that is Facebook! We’re all so controlled by social media, I have a feeling a lot of people out there don’t even know how to act socially in person. It’s sad and disgusting. While I do like Facebook for all it’s positive aspects (keeping up to date with friends/family, keeping friends/family up to date with you, networking, the ability to contact many people at one time, etc.), I think we are all so controlled by it as a society and it’s sad.

    • Thanks, Leslie :)
      I still haven’t decided what to do. Since I wrote the post, a few things have happened through FB that have been positives for me. It just keeps you hanging on …
      I wonder if it’s worse for people who have been growing up with FB since very young. Like I joined FB when I was mid-20s I think. But if you join when you’re 15 how much can it influence how you interact with ppl in real life? I should do a study on this …

      • I didn’t even think about people who got Facebook at such a young age!!! I got mine because apparently that was the thing to do at the beginning of college. And it was very new, back when you had to be in college and have an active college account to join. I think that would be an interesting study though, I’d love to read about what you find!!

        • Ah, you were one of the pioneers, eh? Has the opening up of FB to the mass public changed your experience of it? Did you prefer it to be more of a select group or do you like that you can have anyone and everyone on your friends’ list if you want?

          • Yes yes, one of the pioneers!! :-) And yes, it most definitely has changed my experience of it. Back in the day, we used it to find people we had classes with, or to network within the college community for whatever reason. Now it’s a free for all, with children posting half naked pictures of themselves and 50+ year-olds becoming dramatic over something so and so said. I most definitely preferred it to be a more select group; Facebook for colleges made sense – why did anyone else need it? Though I guess I’m not in college anymore and still have mine, so now I’m part of the “everybody” group instead of the college students haha.

            • Haha, that’s funny =P
              I wonder how long Facebook will keep this up for and/or what it will morph into next. All I know is that it’s pretty mind-boggling how this thing has become such an integrated part in our society’s way of communicating. What will communication be like 10, 20, 30 years from now? What will the next big, life-changing thing be? Alright, I guess we’ll see when we get there. If I’m actually still blogging then (I’ll be surprised if I still have this blog in 10 years), I’ll point back to this post and do a comparison :)

  8. Facebarf!

    Facebook keeps people connected, but It’s worn out its novelty beyond that. In my mind, there’s nothing really meaningful about most of what goes on. Most people have at least a couple hundred friends, and of those, the average person might only talk to a dozen or so. Everyone else gets “unsubcribed”. (what a great feature) Well, at least that’s what I do?

    My opinion? It’s an extension of high school that I’m ready to ditch finally. I didn’t talk to most of them then, and I don’t really care to talk to them now. Or read what they ate for dinner…

  9. I’m not sure how much time you spent on FB but for as long as you’re doing it when you feel like it, then no need for you to disable it but if you are spending so much time, then yes, it’s time for you to give it a break, like a month or two then you will know the difference… by then, you’ll be able to reassess if you still need FB or not.

    In regard to the fear of losing connections with people you care about, then maybe, you can just update your privacy settings and limit the people you want to post on your wall.

    Whatever decision you take, just make it an informed one and you will surely not regret a thing on the outcome.

    Good luck!

  10. The only reason that I still have a Facebook account is that it is a way for me to see how my daughter and grandson are doing, 3000 miles away. I can get the little snippets she posts and feel connected to her. I can still be the encouraging parent or PM her if she communicates something that might be of concern. It helps to take the distance out of the equation and I get to see my grandson in all of his stages. He knows who I am, even though we have only met once IRL. When we really want to talk, we leave Facebook and pick up Skype. For that connection alone, it is a priceless tool.

    • I think family is the number one thing that’s making me rethink my decision of disconnecting from FB. My cousin just got married yesterday and seeing the photos that people were posting of the great time we had made me smile. It’s also some of those conversations that go on about a particular photo between a bunch of us that FB enables that’s great. Of course this can be done in person or through other means, but the reality is that it doesn’t happen because so much of my family uses FB.

      Today, I specifically went to a few of my cousins’ FB pages to look at their updates on the wedding instead of scrolling through my whole newsfeed for them. That way I didn’t have to look at a bunch of other junk that was probably posted. Still haven’t made a decision yet on whether I’ll be going dark on FB, but if I don’t, I’ll try more of this strategy in the future.

  11. I didn’t read all the other comments as I didn’t want to be swayed here. I have thought about this a lot. The difference is I was wondering about FB and you seem to be talking about all social media. Since my stroke, my communication with the world has grown. I am now communicating with over 98 countries through FB, blog, and other social media. I talk to at least 15-20 people per day in that many conversations. I am reliant on the social media for my work (writing) as well as news and keeping up with friends and family (email and such). The thing for me is that I only use FB mostly to login to Zynga to play words with friends. I look at some of the things on FB, but it was taking me over an hour per day to just see the updates from the day before. I didn’t want to spend that time browsing things that, for the most part, had little to do with me. I have compromised by skimming through FB about twice a week and just reading some highlights from close friends or at least the ones I can’t talk to in person. I am more reliant on my email and blog for general conversation. It works for me. I think all the social media is important; I think that it keeps the world in better communication; however, it also sends a lot of senseless knowledge spilling around. My opinion is that the social media (not news and such) account for less than 30% of the needed things and are more just for pure giggles and such. Blogging has its place in teaching and so on. News articles, Google, Wiki, and others are very good for what they do. Games keep our brains sharp. Email is absolutely needed today.
    My opinions,

    • Oh, I wonder if my link to that post on social media gave off the impression I was talking about all social media? I did mean to only refer to Facebook.

      I do agree that having social media in general is quite useful for interacting with others in this day and age. Particularly because we’re all so busy and spread out and social media helps us keep in touch.

      And I also agree with you that all the social media also floods our days with senseless info. So it’s being able to separate the senseless (unless ppl want that once in awhile) from the useful and meaningful.

      • Agreed. In the end, we just need to choose. If FB is really all useless info, then enough people will choose and it will change or die out. Same with all the other social medias. I am simply going to start choosing.

  12. Facebook, in spite of its faults, intrusiveness and wacky UI, still is a useful social tool for me. Maybe that’s because I live in an intrusive wacky country (Japan) where the only option to virtual contact is either scarfing a few thousand calories of food and beer in a smoky Izakaya, or doing karaoke in a smoky cubby hole sized room, neither of which appeals to me. I’d rather just chill at home after the gym and socialize here, or use Facebook for more productive stuff.

    F’rinstance, I have finally started ice skating at the ice rink just up the road because a student of mine got some friends together via a Facebook event, and I think it will grow because of this. I also have found some pretty amazing activities and travel destinations by seeing photos on my friends walls. True, I can and do get a lot of this via WordPress or Globosapiens etc, but there’s something about the social proof of recommendations by people you actually know that just makes it more meaningful.

    On the downside, I have to brutally block or unfriend people who spam me with game requests or Jesus holyroller wall posts etc, but even that isn’t so bad once you least how to pimp out your privacy and posting settings. Even people who feel the need to use FB like Twitter newbies and post the smallest details of their daily lives can be reigned in by just opting out of their posts.

    The verdict, there’s no reason to leave FB entirely, but plenty of reasons to use it as a tool. Also, I loved the word biznatch and plan to overuse it in the weeks to come. Awesome!

    • Haha! Biznatch is a wonderful substitute for its sister word. Enjoy! =P

      I can totally see how in your context FB can be a great thing. Regarding social events, even for me, I’m in the know about social events through FB whereas I see other ppl who don’t have FB sometimes don’t get an invite! Shouldn’t be that way but they do get forgotten it seems.

      I feel like FB is a way to connect with a lot of ppl beyond your closest group of friends, but still maintain a distance from those ppl. It’s strange but maybe we want that for some ppl.

      As I’m discussing this more and more with readers, I’m seeing the positives about it. I think I just have to make sure to use it only for those positives and not get dragged into the potential negatives it can bring.

      (And no worries about your auto spelling! I understood you just fine :)

      • The only thing I’m starting to find with FB — a possible negative — is that now I have tons of students adding me from the university. I didn’t mind at first. I put them all in a group so I could hide posts when I was AWOL on some beach in SE Asia etc. But just having to do that is starting to wear a bit, especially with many of them being current students and not just graduates. So there definitely are some negatives to this whole social media thing.

        But…still, the number of people I’ve been able to keep up with, get reacquainted with…finding old friends and forging new friendships — that outweighs the bad stuff…so far. As for connecting with people IRL (In Real Life…or do people not use that any more?), when I’m away from Japan I fall off the radar a bit — because I’m too busy actually going out with real people. And I think that’s the key — FB is a great tool, as long as it doesn’t take away from the quality of your real relationships. Basically, the same argument as one could make about online porn. lol

        • I never heard of IRL before, but I think someone else used that term in their comment here — so you’re not alone! :)

          Haha yeah, I agree with online stuff not taking away from real relationships. Not just with respect to time being spent on one or the other, but even when you’re with people and you’re just constantly on your phone checking updates and stuff — it does change the nature of that interaction even if in that moment you’re not really talking with the other person or maybe there’s a group conversation going on so you feel like, oh well, I can just check up on my FB or whatever.

          I’m totally guilty of doing that too. It’s not just FB, but getting messages about anything. I instinctively check it when I hear the PING. I think for people who have smartphones, it’s become such the norm. But if I think back to when I didn’t have one or even now to situations where I’m not checking my phone but the other person CONSTANTLY is, I can see how it’s kind of a downer to be with someone who isn’t really giving most of their attention to the here and now. Something I have to remind myself to be aware of when I start becoming the perpetrator …

          • Yeah, I went through that also — constantly checking my mail, my FB, my Twitter.Not any more. For ex. I was out with a buddy I work with at the uni and a grad student…just a guy’s night out. And not one of use even looked at our phones. Because who cares!! And, yeah, also because we were getting hammered on beer. But even if I was tea totaling at Starbucks — my golden rule now is “don’t think about the Internet when with friends.”

            One thing that drove the importance of this new rule home was seeing groups of 5 or 6 young people at family restaurants…with nobody talking because they all had their noses dug into their mobiles. Just say NO :)

            • That’s when it’s the most evident, when you see that group of ppl looking down at their phones over dinner. Blegh. I wonder if they even realize it, honestly? Like maybe it’s become such a habit that they don’t :S

  13. I’ve only been on Facebook for about six months, and that is really only to share news about my writing. With the amount of time I spend blogging and reading blogs, I don’t dare add Facebook or Twitter as a social medium on a daily basis. … I think you have actually made the case for *staying* on Facebook. Could you test yourself? Rather than disabling your account, could you ignore it for a couple of weeks or a month and see how you feel?

    • Yes, I think that would be the best plan. Apparently, even if I were to disable the account, it will still be there should I ever choose to return! What kind of disabling is that?! Anyways, I’m thinking a month-long experiment might give me the answers I need :)

      Thanks for your thoughts!

  14. Facebook has been boring me more often and because they alter something about the format so often, it is frustrating. It seems the same people say the same things and some never say anything at all. Maybe that reflects my group, but still…do I care anymore? Less and less. And then there’s that embarrassing little detail. My husband is more popular than me. He has more friends. At least on Facebook. I have more friends in “real” life I spend “real” time with.

    • LOL well, don’t worry about the FB friends count. Really, how many of them would he consider to be “real”? What does matter are the real friends you have and that you have a connection with beyond FB. I do agree with Seto below that FB can strengthen some of those friendships in some ways. It all depends.

      Maybe the key is being more cognizant of whether and how FB is adding something positive to one’s relationships (or not). Must go analyze …

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  15. I disabled my account for 2 weeks a few months ago to answer these exact questions!. For the first few days I kept going to my facebook app out of habit and constructing status’ in my head. Then, I realised that I didn’t really need to share any of the thoughts I had, and I started filling in my spare time with other stuff – I learnt to cook a new meal, hung out with four different friends in person just in the first week (shock!) and wrote a lot more than usual.
    I thought my family would miss me but nope, haha, didn’t even notice, which is sad but a sign of how facebook doesn’t really connect us.

    Now of course I’m back on and as mindlessly addicted as ever. I might need to do another deactivate.

  16. hmm… i always thought of social media as a good thing, sharing experiences and sharing info is a good thing, wondering what people are doing and thinking is also just as good. What people share on facebook (or other social media) shows what people are generally interested in.. stuff i share i think can be too doom and gloom.. so i try to limit it because its’ not my intent to get people down. Never the less when i think its important i feel compelled to share (im sure it gets overlooked a lot of the time), if i get a “like” its worth it because u would assume that person took the time to watch it. As for friendships being stronger without fb. i dunno, do you think we would have gotten to pick each others brain without it social media? maybe, but i don’t think as intensely or well thought out (at least on my part). Strong friends boils down to connections. Shared interests, shared goals, and shared beliefs make connections. The more connections we have, the stronger the friendship and the more intertwined we are. IMO social media tries to enhance those connections not replace them.

    I notice my attention has shifted allot in what i like to think and read about over the past year, especially in stuff about liberty. What liberty is? What liberty isn’t? I say to myself sometimes that I should be focusing harder on my technical learning/development rather than this philosophical development. Sure, thinking about liberty doesn’t make me any money but what can of person would i be if i didn’t think about liberty (probably less complete and less humanitarian). My point is, productivity occurs everywhere.. you just gotta ask if that’s the type of productivity you want.

    social media in general is better than the news and tv (so if you wanna cut time out of an interest, i suggest you downsize those first). If social media was the only thing running, people would learn allot more about the real world. But hey, that’s just my opinion. I for one would rather you not quit social media (fb is ok to quit cuz they are douchey ), i like reading your comments and thoughts (and challenging them =P).. but do what you think is best.

    • Thanks, Seto :)
      Well, one thing’s for sure, I wouldn’t quit my blog! And funny, I don’t like watching either the news or TV, so I’ve already got that covered.

      No, I think for some friendships, you’re right — I wouldn’t be as connected or had those opportunities to converse. And that’s why I don’t know that cutting off FB would lead to other ways of interacting for those certain ppl.

      So where are you at with the liberty issue, btw? What is liberty and what is it not? I think philosophical devlopment is important. Not to the detriment of other things, but it’s part of a set of things that I think people should engage in to really understand themselves and other ppl.

      • To sum up what i’ve taken, I think liberty is self-reliance, self governance and mutual respect for others no matter how different or alike. Reading about certain historical events and looking at some events today made me wonder about certain things. Is there a price to liberty? Can people govern themselves (and what does it take to achieve that)? How should a free society respond to descent? Should we ever give up liberty for the sake of security? How do we achieve transparency while maintaining privacy? Does our current voting system best reflect democracy (security wise and for people to actually make a change)? Just a few things off the top of my head.
        anyways.. its good to know you won’t quit your blog. But i relied on fb for the updates to your blog, so I guess i will have to subscribe through email.

        • Oh, I guess I shoulda clarified that it’s only my personal FB acct I’d do it to. I only use the blog FB acct to post updates, never look at that acct’s newsfeed and well, barely access it to be honest. So it is not the problem. So you will still get updates! :)

          Interesting thoughts on liberty. Is there a price to pay for liberty? I’m sure some would say yes depending on perspective. The first thing I think of is that if you’re “free” in this world, as we are, then you’re also responsible for “making it.” That can be a heavy burden for many, especially since there are set social standards of what “making it” constitutes.

          I don’t think ppl could govern themselves. I think humans naturally gravitate towards order, hierarchy, rules. Only problem is that not all humans have the same idea of what that order and those rules should be. The powerful usually win and get to apply their definition of those things and that’s why in the end order and structure don’t work (except for the status quo, of course).

          I also don’t think our system is true democracy even though “everyone” has the right to vote. Fact of the matter is not everyone does and ppl who are more likely not to vote constitute a certain group in society. We can easily say that’s their problem if they choose not to, but I think there is an underlying issue why they don’t. Also, I don’t think there’s true education about party’s platforms and even with whatever info is available, I don’t think enough is done to educate ppl on what their choices are. All there really is is a lot of rhetoric and slanderous ads against other parties. It’s a fucking circus that is very hard for me to take seriously.

          And that’s my two cents on liberty or lack thereof :)

          • I believe the only price to liberty is responsibility. It is a life given right (even animals feel depressed when oppressed) but it still has a price.

            “Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted with the government of himself. Can he, then be trusted with the government of others? Or have we found angels in the form of kings to govern him?” – Thomas Jefferson
            I think history has shown that government (especially as it increases in power) sell their people out to big business. Most economic policies are detrimental to the local population. I think the source of most oppression comes from economic influences.

            I think as individuals we develop our ethics, we are not born with them. Ethics is developed through thought process and empathy. We should never deny people this evolution and as society we should encourage it, NOT leave it to someone else. We should inspire people to lead their own lives. I think this is where liberty brings people together, its about empowering those around us. I think a society can only be as moral and strong as the pieces that make it.

            A real democracy can only be achieved through free individuals (free minds and free hearts). People who don’t vote don’t vote for 2 reasons (i think). 1. Don’t care 2. Don’t think they can make a difference. I think these two reasons are byproducts of oppression. I don’t think we should ever accept the idea of legitimacy, only transparency. government’s only job should be to inform and facilitate discussion.

            • Whether individuals develop their ethics or are born with them is an interesting thought. I think we definitely develop our moral code as we grow up but do we start out with some inherent sense of right and wrong? We must, right?

              I agree with your reasons for why people who don’t vote and yeah, those are byproducts of oppression. That is the underlying thing that needs to be addressed.

              Haha funny how this post on Facebook turned into a discussion about politics and moral ethics =P

            • I think we are only born with the sense of self preservation, born amorally i think. yah, sorry for hijacking

            • LOL no worries, doesn’t matter if we get off topic =P

              Hm, interesting. I’m gonna have to think on that one …

            • I think our interaction with our environment tunes our sense of self preservation, in the idea of whats right and wrong. if we are born in fuked up environments, where no one cares, we don’t develop empathy (or less of it) because it probably plays against what our self preservation tells us (every man for himself). Although this instinct (emoted by fear, anger, etc) was meant to keep us safe, i think it can greatly restrict us as well (in our understanding) and sometimes unknowingly play against our interests.
              guess i unconsciously wanted to vent my thoughts.. like i said.. i think about it too much sometimes. Last post i promise.

  17. Well…I just joined FB myself for the very first time ever in the last 2 months. Since then,I’ve reconnected and chat often with old friends from myyouth I hadn’t seen/heard from in years,actually hear about family things in a timely manner (being the Black Sheep on both sides has it’s downfalls,I’m literally the last person called…IF I’m called,for anything),and the Wife and I leave sweet little nothings while apart (one at work,one at home) that brighten our days….I can see the bad in the Force as well though (don’t really need to get started on all that’s ill about being on FB,we all know the aggervations :P )…

    The DC

  18. Hey Cafe,
    I used facebook to publish photos of my travels and as an emergency list of my friends in case I ever lose my phone. I think you should start your hiatus in steps. Gradually lengthening your time away from it and in the mean time, start writing to those important to you with a pen and paper. When I was in the Navy, getting a letter was close to the best thing in the world. But then again, I am decidedly old-school.

    Nice post!!

    • Writing letters is so awesome! If you can wait for the response, then I think that’s such a sweet way of communicating, but a lot of people nowadays are used to the IMMEDIACY of responses that things like Facebook or texting and email give them. We live in such a different world now, huh? Damn, i feel old saying that but I do remember what it was like growing up in a time when we didn’t have any of those things. Even dialing a phone number on the ol’ rotary phone wasn’t immediate =P

  19. Did I just get called God?

    I think it’s worth a shot. A few years ago I disabled mine. I was terribly busy at the time and was barely home. I enabled it again because I was making a lot of friends from all over and a friend suggested I bring it back up again. It was only for a few months and it really didn’t change much. I would have been busy whether or not I had a Facebook so that’s irrelevant.

    I still keep Facebook now and I think I will continue to because there are a few people I stay in contact with primarily through there and I’m also making a point to be more “connected” in every way possible to everyone next year. It’s kind of like what you said about religion on my one post. It can be good but it all depends how you use it. I can’t endlessly scroll around on Facebook and look at updates because honestly it makes me sad and angry. There’s so much stupidity and pointless nonsense. I really don’t have too many Facebook “friends” I really dislike, but they do exist. In fact I deleted my first Facebook friend ever last week because I got tired of seeing him post 10 things in a row about things I did not care about.

    I think you should disable it temporarily, but I don’t think you should feel like you come crawling back weaker if you do enable it again. Facebook can be good and serve a positive purpose. The thing I can’t wrap my brain around is what is that purpose? Should I really complain about other people complaining and being big whimps about their lives all the time? Is there anything in the rule book about how you can’t be overly dramatic on Facebook and cry for attention? I do what I always do when I’m not sure. I sit back, observe, and do my own thing. The best thing I can ever do is lead by example. If anyone is ever willing to follow then good.

    This is why you have a great blog. I always have a lot to say by the end.

    • Haha! You made me laugh out loud with that first line =P

      I found that quite profound what you said — even though I was the one who said it first, hehe — but this idea that it’s what you do with it that matters. Endlessly scrolling around definitely isn’t a great way to use it, but I just wonder why do I do it — even when I know it’s so pointless and yeah, people’s 10 posts in a row about things I don’t care about makes me mad too?! It seems so illogical but like you said, I can’t figure out why. I feel like if I understand why, it’ll be easier for me to get a handle on things.

      Thanks for the compliment, btw. That means so much to me!! =D

  20. I used to be too overly obsessed with checking my feed on FB. I have since tried to “tone down” the frequency, limiting myself to a few checks here and there as opposed to constantly looking at the feed.

    I think social media is so important these days that ignoring it isn’t that practical. We live in a day and age where it is all about the constant updates. It is a part of life nowadays.

    • So will you only go to the FB pages of specific friends or family that you want to see updates on? I find that I only look at the newsfeed. I don’t usually pick and choose. Maybe that would make it a different experience.

      It is an interesting take that ignoring social media isn’t practical in this day and age. I do know a few people though who aren’t as hooked up to things like Facebook, Twitter and blogging. They don’t have smartphones. They do email, texting and phone. And no, they aren’t like grandmas and grandpas! I feel like they’re getting by okay and maybe even getting a more fulfilling experience out of their relationships. I don’t know. That’s what I’m wondering whether I should find out if it’s true …

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