First Comes Love: Or Does It?

Love, health, happiness, money, fame.

Maybe it isn’t as simple as it seems. But it seems pretty simple to me.

Love: I feel that for most people, finding that person who they want to spend the rest of their life with is ultimately what we work towards.

Of course we don’t want life to only be about that — we want to have our own personal achievements, maybe travel the world, excel in our careers. But it seems to be human nature that much of what we do — from making an effort in how we look to finding a “good” job — are ultimately to make us more “attractive” to potential life mates. Am I sounding like an evolutionary psychologist yet?

But — and I don’t know if it’s me just being a softie at heart — I don’t know that it’s just for us to find a partner who we can make babies with to carry on our lineage *it’s the circle of liiiiife!* …

Okay, seriously. I really believe that for most people, we want to feel that love and passion that you can’t just find in a friend. I remember that even throughout all those years where I was a total man-hater *ahem* I still found myself always writing in my journal about how I wish there was “that guy” out there. Blegh, so corny. But true.

Of course, love can also be referring to the love from family and friends. I don’t see how anything can beat being surrounded by people you love and who love you. If love is not at the top of your list, I need an explanation!!

Health: I feel like this could be a hard one to put at the top of the list over love unless you’ve experienced what it’s like to not have good health. Doesn’t matter if you have all the money in the world — if you have to be confined to your bed or hooked up on tubes, or are constantly feeling unwell, how do you enjoy life?

I’m sure there are people who find ways, but I’m going to guess that they have some serious support and love behind them, which brings me back to my first point ;)

Happiness: Where does happiness come from? The true feeling of happiness that I’ve experienced has mostly come from love, which is why this is not right at the top.

But happiness does also come from having peace of mind, good mental health, a strong sense of self, and so on — things that come from inside the individual rather than from another person.

If I think about it like that — happiness as good mental health, it’s actually hard for me to decide which to put first, happiness or health (which I think of as physical health), because mental health is all-important to me. Hmm, maybe not so simple?

Money: I do understand how money can make life easier and I’d be naive to say that it’s not important at all. Money lets me have amazing experiences around the world and go out to relax on weekends. I love those things!!

But I would never trade money for love, health or happiness and I know that you could be rich but still totally unhappy and feeling like you didn’t have enough! Blegh.

Fame: This was easy to put at the bottom since I don’t think I’d like the famous lifestyle. I’m actually a pretty private person — despite the things I share on this blog — and there are certain things I like to keep to myself!

– Cafe <3

Take a few minutes to ask yourself: In order of importance how would you rank: happiness, money, love, health, fame? 

Write a post about it, share it in the comment box below, or just keep it to yourself ;)

Photo Credits: Question 2Love, Health, Happiness, Money, Fame

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48 thoughts on “First Comes Love: Or Does It?

  1. I go with your order…of course…following my heart and putting love first has caused much chaos in my life and others lives…I still go with love. Now…about fame…the only fame I would want would be after I am dead…I value privacy.

  2. I’ll put Happiness on Top & Fame at the bottom. Love may be tie at top with happiness or close second. Health followed by Happiness & Love. I’d be Happy & be Loved rather than Healthy & not the other two.
    Money’s tough one. If I am promised eternal Love & Happiness I’d put Money at the bottom above fame. With Love & Happiness around, I get away with almost all worldly material things. In absence of one, Money does talks.

    • Hi Yatin! Hmmmm..I replied to your comment but now I don’t see it here! Let me know if you read it :S

      Anyways, I said that I really liked your answer, it’s very thoughtful!! Thanks for stopping by and sharing :)

  3. A very thoughtful question. In my opinion, happiness envelops everything else. So I’d say: happiness, love, health, fame and money. Money is last because it’s just useless to stay alone in a big luxurious house without any friends just because you’ve been too selfish to even try to get friends (which is fame in my way).

    • Ah, interesting! You’re the first one who didn’t put fame last :)
      Everyone really does have different interpretations of what all these different things mean to them. Thanks for sharing, Daphnee!

  4. I think happiness is a prerequisite for living. If you’re not happy, you’re capping your perception of reality, and that includes all the other values listed. just my two cents

    • As more and more people put happiness at the top and explain their reasons, I can see how maybe it should come first, even before love. I am biased in putting love first, but I guess I also know what it’s like to be very unhappy …. So at this point I’m just confused =P

  5. First, look to see where you snagged that love picture with the dumb umbrella. It may have been from my blog after I snatched it from somewhere else. It got me a lot of hits so good luck!

    The word that should always go at the top is success. We all measure success differently so that’s when we get different answers. I’d rank them happiness/love/health/money/fame. All of those other things make me happy and I’ve always thought that’s the most important thing in life. Nobody can live without love, you can at least live in poor health. I don’t spend the money I already have so that’s not important to me at all. And fame? Who wants to be famous? It’s so much better to have a cult following. Like people either recognize your face or your work. Not both. I would like if one day I was “famous” enough where people would approach me just because they think other people would. Like the time I saw someone signing autographs and asked him to sign one for me. Still not sure who that was.

    • Haha, you had it on your blog too? =P
      Ah, success. Another interesting one. To me, success is like personal achievements, more tangible things though than self-improvement and that type of thing. So for me, success would still come 4th. Yeah, if you had no love at all — not just romantically, but from friends and family — then that would not be living life.

  6. It’s funny to stop here…and great question and impossible to order…
    I don’t need money, just a little to live, and I don’t need the fame…out of charts!
    I strictly need both health and the love of my friends and family…the happiness is a part of me…my ideas, my unfinished projects, my lifestyle and my dreams make me happy!!
    That’s enough for me!

    • Heya, thanks for stopping by :)
      I like your answer — I think so far everyone agrees that love, health and happiness, regardless of the order, come first. It’d be interesting to know if anyone would put money in the top three…

      • Hahaha. I know many people who would put the money at the top but nobody would tell you! In Italy, where I live, money is important to be socially accepted but it is more important to show that they are not the most important thing!
        What’s about in your country?

        • Haha I guess that is true in most places, although maybe certain cultures are more prone to it? Well, I’m from Canada (Toronto, specifically) and I think we’d like to believe that we wouldn’t look down on people who have less money, but there will always be that judgment and discrimination on a societal level.

  7. I’m very tempted to settle with the order in which they already appear in your post. But then I think about love and happiness; I analyze and over analyze. Then the escapist in me prompts me to abandon the whole thought process:-(

      • They’re like a thousand debates going on in my head but all based on which carries more weight. Is it love or happiness? They may not always come as a package so in case it comes down to choosing one, which one would it be for you?

        • Mmmmmm… Good question. That’s hard. But if I could only have one and not the other, I might have to choose happiness. Because being in love and unhappy is a terrible thing, I know. Although maybe it depends on whether it’s the person you love who is actually making you unhappy. If it’s not, then maybe love can help you get to a happier place? Ugh, I see the dilemma :S

          • Lol, you must have had you’re elements in order but I just had to come along and ruin everything! Sorry:|
            I like your first argument though. I think love follows happiness. Never the other way around.

            • Haha, it’s good when others make me question my own perspectives :)
              So looks like you’ve come to closer to your own answers!

  8. Hi,
    Oh yes definitely, Love, Health, Happiness, Money, Fame, the same order as you. To me love does bring happiness, I have been happily married for many years, but I think happiness means different things to different people, it can be complex or very simple. :)
    Loved your post.

    • Thanks so much, Mags! :)
      Yes, as I talk to more people about this and read others’ opinions, I see that these things, especially love and happiness, mean very different things. I think we’re all biased from our own personal experiences to an extent — which is why you and I both put love on top! :)

  9. “Love, health, happiness, money, fame” That’s my order as well,my friend. I good question today,and a very well thought out/thoughful answer :)

    The DC

    • Thanks for your thoughts, Steve :)
      It is interesting to hear other people’s opinions on this, whether they differ from or are similar to my own views!

  10. happiness, love, health, money.. who needs fame?.. i’d like to throw knowledge somewhere in there.. probably list it first or second. Don’t forget people can be in love and not happy. Love is a very idealistic word to me (its like saying faith).. Like its pure, good, all that hallmark stuff associated with it. Not saying it doesn’t exist or I don’t believe in it (many people would say love is a hard word to define already, if you never been in love) but it seems to me some people create a dependency on it because they associate soo much with that word. Happiness is important to have to make other people happy. Nothing is makes me more happy than the happiness of my loved ones. Surprised you would list health before happiness.. a lot of fit, unhappy people too (God knows if I couldn’t eat poutine again i’d shoot myself). Money can’t buy real happiness imo, it only offers freedom. True happiness to me is self derived, appreciating things, being happy with urself.. if people can accomplish this, i think its very hard to rob them from their happiness.

    • That’s interesting — knowledge. A very powerful thing. If I were to include it though, I think it’d still have to come after the first three on my list.

      I see your point with love. It is idealistic, but I think having experienced it in maybe its most idealistic form, I can say it is worth putting at the top. For me :)

      I agree with your point on happiness, and I’m still struggling with where to put it on the ladder. This really is not so simple, especially because some of these things depend on some of the others!!

      • I have the mentality of a single person(and the theme for single people is independence + i’m very introverted), so, much has to do with our current mind frame. One day I might bump love up the chart, who knows.. its a doozy.

        • Aahh Seto… its true that love can the source of pain (ie. a loved one passing away) but the happiness from love should always out weigh the sadness. If love is causing you to be unhappy all the time then its probably not love…
          I wish you can experience that for yourself one day.

          • oh god.. did keith actually write this? The passing of loved ones will always make me sad, but I always end up rejoicing ever knowing someone that special to me. In the end those who effected me through their passing makes me stronger imo. I think Love just = passionate attachment (sometimes good.. sometimes misplaced). It feels like a more objective description to me, than the ideological, subjective view of love. I’m not trying to be a a cynic just objective. Love is probably defined differently to different people.. whats probably the most important for people in a relationship, is for them to have the same definition for love (so they are on the same page of expectations).

            • Hahaha! Yeah, he did. I actually messaged him and ask if he wrote it, I wasn’t sure either lol =P
              I have to disagree with you on Love = passionate attachment. It is more than that. It’s also about sacrifice, compromise, support, understanding. I think you can define love objectively, but in the end there will always be a subjective element to it that you can’t fully explain. Just have to experience.
              But I do agree with you that love is defined differently to different people — so again, this is my opinion based on my experiences, although I feel very, very strongly about that opinion :)

            • sacrifice and compromise are not always good things.. that’s saying someone has to give up something.. not saying it’s not necessary sometimes.. but if a relationship is full of sacrifice I think the two are incompatible. Love people for who they are not what they should be. Support and understanding is just something someone would have towards someone they have passionate attachment for.. i think we discussed the sacrifice thing before..

            • Right, sometimes sacrifice and compromise are not good things. But no matter how compatible two people are, there will always be adjustments that need to be made, things that both people have to learn to understand about the other that they may not have necessarily seen in that perspective. And when you are asked to consider changing certain things about yourself, it will not be as easy as saying: no, I shouldn’t have to give up anything for you. If you are in love with them, there are some things you will try to change, depending on what it is of course. And it doesn’t mean you should have to sacrifice your principles. That is not love, that is .. being misguided, perhaps.

            • fair enough. But, when is love realized? Doesn’t someone need to make you happy before you love them? I feel you must be worn on this subject.

            • So I was pretty stumped by this comment you made. I mean, it’s a good point and I get what you’re saying. But now I wonder if happiness should even be on the list, because maybe it is not the exact same type of thing as love, money, health and fame. I was talking with a friend about it and he said that you can’t really just say that you’re happy — happiness is more of measure of something else, like are you happy at work? are you happy in love? are you happy at home? Does that make sense to you? *sigh* I’m still kinda confused …

            • well, there’s quite a few problems with this question.. I guess how we rank these 5 things now, does not necessarily mean that whatever we choose as first means that the other things follow (actually that has nothing to do with the question u asked).. I was arguing that happiness was a prerequisite but your were just saying what you value most at this moment (two pretty different things). It was definitely fun to explore, but the question is a bit problematic because the definition of love is very broad and happiness (like u said) if very broad. Yes, happiness is a measurement, but that has allot to do with the person, in terms of attitude, personality.. a lot of other things.. some people just can’t be made happy because of their current attitudes. Some people with very little also have the right attitudes to be some of the happiest people. That’s why I believe true happiness is derived through attitudes (i said self acquired earlier).

            • Yea that’s right, I said it. Why is everyone so surprised? I was just using that as an example. i ain’t smart enough to write out what love is… yea what janice said love does not equal to passionate attachment.
              u just got to experience for yourself to get it.

            • because I expected ur comment to sound like this

              “this post is dumb, obv the most important thing is money”

              too far off?

            • In response to your last comment up there, yes, I agree the question is a bit problematic. I’ll leave it at that =P

  11. This is a great question. I think almost everyone would say love is first, because you believe happiness is entwined in love. So I went LOVE but then health, then money (because with love & health SUUUUURELY you’re happy??) then happiness, then fame. I can’t imagine anyone putting fame first, cannot imagine it. Fame is so empty on its own, with no substance to it.

    I just had a second look – you put happiness before money. I was just assuming love & health would bring me happiness, but of course I’d take happiness over money.

    OMG you’ve got me thinking hard!!

    • Hey, Noeleen! Thanks for stopping by :)

      Haha, you know what, before I posted this I was talking about my answer with a friend and he totally got me rethinking what I had originally thought too!! I had assumed love would be bring me happiness but the friend pointed out that you could be in love and unhappy. It’s hard for me to think about it that way now because I’m at that point in my life where love has to equate happiness. But I remember a period of time where that was not the case. I decided to just publish the post as is — I’m pretty sure of the order still, but it is no longer as simple as I thought!!

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